Dog Review: Felis the Cat

Felix the Cat
Woos whoopee

Sometimes older stuff holds some little interesting cultural lifestyle golden nugget of entertainment. Sadly, not in this case. These cartoons may appeal to someone studying the artform or a true classic lover, but generally, they're rather mundane and dull.

I barely could sit through five before I got super tired of them. Nice in a passing kind of way, but I'd just avoid them. Dora and Coos Bay have a copy of this DVD for the dedicated fans out there.

Here's the IMDB for director Otto Mesmer who did many of the cartoons: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0582250/

Amazon: Felix the Cat Woos Whoopee

Dog Review: The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight

Yep, this is me calling Batman a dog. Yep, I know Heath Ledger won the Oscar for his performance. I think it's just guilt for overlooking him for Brokeback Mountain. I liked Christian Bale in many things before, but he just got over dark and broody in this film.

Here's what I miss: a plot with a purpose. If you are just a bad man like say The Joker, you have to have some motivation for being so violent. I need to see some childhood trauma, some industrial accident or just some therapy session gone terribly wrong.

OK, I'm not dumb, I get that this is a comic book film. I just expect a LITTLE depth. Why protect people if you do it in ways that risks them as much as the bad guys?

It looks like every branch except Lakeside has a copy. Look for the DVD in Bandon, Coos bay, Coquille, Dora, Myrtle Point, North Bend, Powers and SWOCC.

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468569/

Amazon: The Dark Knight (Widescreen Single-Disc Edition)

Dog Review: Escape Velocity

Escape Velocity

Science fiction tends to get my attention, but sadly this lacked any redeeming value whatsoever. A notorious intergalactic prisoner escapes and ends up on a shp run by a pair of married scientists who have a rebellious teenage daughter with them.

They don't realize he's an escaped prisoner until he tries to take their ship. First he starts out by trying to manipulate the daughter, but when she wont hurt her mother for him, he gets angry and tries to attack her.

He manages to lock the family into a compartment, but the mom uses some military training to fight him off. Apparently his buddies were asleep on his ship and he wakes them up and try and help the bad guy leader kill the family.

We don't really understand who any of these people really are and what motivated them. We're given no set up for why the mom has all this magical training or why she's not getting along with her daughter.

Myrtle Point has the DVD.

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0176700/

Find additional information on Amazon: Escape Velocity

Dog Review: Eys Wide Shut

Eyes Wide Shut

I've said time and again I'm not a fan of Stanley Kubrick and since this was his last film before he died, some people had huge hopes it would be great. I probably wouldn't have seen it at all save for a friend dragged me to the theater.

A man and his wife can't seem to quite get along so he kind of gets sucked into a decadent world of sex and drug experimentation. I think Kubrick missed the boat by pandering to get an R rating. I bet the shock value of making the sex more revealing might have pushed the envelope of convention and moved me.

Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman displayed the last throws of their crumbling marriage on screen. I guess they just couldn't hide their contempt. The surreal plot keeps you guessing, but I walked away disliking Kubrick as much as before.

Love the director? Grab yourself a copy from Bandon and North Bend on DVD and in Coos Bay on VHS. This is an adults only film.

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120663/

Buy it from Amazon: Eyes Wide Shut (Unrated Two-Disc Special Edition)

Dog Review: A Dog's Tale

A Dog's Tale

This lame fantasy film might charm a child, but I kind of doubt it. Gordon Jump tells a boy that if he wishes upon a super nova in the sky, he'll get his wish. He wishes for a pet dog and turns into one himself.

It's a Christmas time film but I don't think that element really matters. None of them are much for the acting talent and the scenery wouldn't inspire anyone. I'd say just all around avoid it.

Myrtle Point has the DVD.

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0331997/

Amazon: A Dog's Tale

Dog Review: Election

Election

I rather like Matthew Broderick and Reese Witherspoon but this film flat out grosses me out. A teacher's best friend boinks his 16-year-old pupil and keeps giving details to Broderick's character. Who doesn't do a thing to stop it.

If that wasn't gross enough, after the big scandal the girl stays at the school and tries to become class president. Broderick hooks up with the wife of his friend and and then there's some election fraud shenanigans.

I can only imagine that someone thought this would be edgy and funny, but it just irritated me. Pick a better teen angst movie. Like Ferris Bueller's Day Off or Pleasantville. Much more going on in them.

SWOCC has the DVD and find a VHS copy in Lakeside or North Bend.

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0126886/

Amazon: Election

Dog Review: Burn After Reading

Burn After Reading

Some say these Coen brothers can do no wrong. I love a couple of films of theirs, but this isn't one of them. They love to confound us with weird plots that turn violent in what some call funny ways. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

A disgruntled numskull of a CIA agent goes off the rails and decides to write a memoir telling all kinds of secrets. While Mr. CIA is at the gym, an employee there, Brad Pitt, finds the disk of his story and tries to blackmail him with it.

John Malkovich plays Mr. CIA. His wife, Tilda Swinton screws around with George Clooney and they plot to run away together as soon as Clooney divorces his wife.

Throw in Frances McDormand as one of Pitt's cohorts and another Clooney lover and we're just wondering WHAT the HECK is going on here.

Honestly, I've had more entertainment value watching a bunch of clowns try and stuff themselves into a tiny car. And that's really who all these people are. A bunch of moronic clowns. We wouldn't have a whole brain if we combined all of them together.

I know many other people have different opinions of this film. I just didn't like it. Feel free to leave a comment and disagree.

Look in Bandon, Coquille, Coos Bay, Myrtle Point, North Bend and SWOCC

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0887883/

Buy this DVD from Amazon: Burn After Reading

Unwatchable Dog DVDs

Elephant

An HBO movie I could not watch it was soooooo boring. Here's what the box said: A realistic drama that takes the viewer inside an American high school on one single, ordinary day that very rapidly turns tragic. It observes the comings and goings of its characters from a safe distance. The experiences of each student range from friendly and innocent to traumatic and deeply disturbing.

Library: Bandon

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0363589/

Amazon: Elephant: A Film By Gus Van Sant

The East Side Kids:
That Gang of Mine
Clancy Street boys

This apparently features a couple of short films about some hooligan kids filmed in the 40s. I didn't find the acting or plot held my interest and the film quality detracted from me continuing to watch. Imagine Little Rascals all grown up and not funny.

Library: Powers

IMDB: See Title for name and IMDB connection.

Amazon: East Side Kids: That Gang of Mine
East Side Kids: Clancy Street Boys

Movie Review: Emma

Emma

This Jane Austin tale of a young meddlesome aristocratic girl bugged me from start to finish. Gwyneth Paltrow stars and she looked pretty, not pretty enough to save the film.

Emma takes a girl of mysterious parentage under her wing and tries to match her up to men above her station. Failing many times, the girl, Toni Collette, finally makes a good match for herself. Emma too sorts out her love life, and though they foreshadowed it slightly, had they made it a more interesting romance, we might care that they get together.

the film had charming costuming and scenery. No dress and grassy walking paths could overshadow the slow annoying story. I nearly dozed off.

If you want to see a Gem of a period piece try Shakespeare in Love. Gwyneth Paltrow can act and will charm your socks off in that.

As for Emma, look in Bandon and North Bend for the DVD. Coos Bay, Coos Bay, Myrtle Point and Lakeside have the VHS tape. There's also one in Coquille, but it says it's in mending.

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116191/

Buy this DVD from Amazon: Emma

Movie Review: Edmond

Edmond

I consider William H. Macy one of the greatest actors alive today. Though I wanted to figure out what this story meant, I just turned away fairly early. I didn't fast forward or stop watching, I did lose interest.

For reasons we cannot grasp, a businessman goes off the rails and leaves his wife just after they have sex. He tells her he's terribly unhappy with her. He wanders the streets trying to hook up with prostitutes. But disliking all the expense and arguing over price. Eventually he hooks up with a waitress.

Edmond kept looking for something that we could never discern. All we knew is no one gave it to him. He ends up in prison for slashing the waitress to death. The surreal way it happened doesn't make us care. We aren't invested in any "real" emotion.

Please avoid this. Not even Macy can save it. It's based on a David Mamet play and feels like a theater performance.

Bandon has the DVD.

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443496/

Look for additional information on Amazon: Edmond

Movie Review: Edgar Rice Burroughs' At the Earth's Core

Edgar Rice Burroughs' At the Earth's Core

In a plot stolen from Jules Vern we see Doug McClure and Peter Cushing travel inside the ground. There they discover a mysterious world and fight monsters and bad guys in oder to save a beautiful princess.

If the rubber suited weird creatures don't make you laugh, the terrible acting will. Better execution on the plot mighta pushed it into a Soso category. Maybe had them be space explorers going to another planet and I might have considered it more interesting.

Bandon has a copy of this DVD.

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074157/

Amazon: At the Earth's Core

Really Bad Ed Wood Films

Jail Bait

Since I reviewed the film about Edward D. Wood Jr., on Monday, I thought today would be nice to do a couple films from his collection. I haven't seen many but both films had a similar element of awful.

A bad guy draws the son of a famous plastic surgeon into a life of crime. During a robbery the son kills a security guard and shoots at a woman witness. She gets away and tells the police.

The bad guy kidnaps the son and forces his father to change his face so he can escape. I wont give away the plot twist, lets just say people get crossed and double crossed.

With some decent actors the plot had some value, but Wood just rushes every shot and sets scenes like a high school biology film. We, the audience, should lose ourselves in the world presented to us. Not here. We find ourselves laughing and scratching our heads.

Library: As part of the Ed Wood Box Set. Bandon & North Bend.

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0047127/

Amazon: The Ed Wood Box (Glen or Glenda / Jail Bait / Bride of the Monster / Plan 9 from Outer Space / Night of the Ghouls / The Haunted World of Ed Wood)

Plan 9 from Outer Space

It's been a while since I've seen this one. I remember it involved vampires, zombies and aliens. Bela Lugosi plays what they listed as a "ghoul man." Only he died partway through the film.

Apparently, the aliens come to earth to stop humans from developing a bomb. They create a few zombies to aid them. Look for the cardboard tombstones and nonsensical scenery changes as Wood apparently ran out of budget for sets. Then toward the end of the film a faith based agenda develops.

According to his biopic I reviewed on Monday, Wood got funding from a church and promised to make a movie for them. Never one for re-shoots, he leaves in mistakes and bad acting.

Unlike other dogs, the entertainment value here lays in how terrible it all is. Grab a bunch of friends and some popcorn and look at a couple terrible films.

Library: As part of the Ed Wood Box Set. Bandon & North Bend.

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052077/

Amazon: The Ed Wood Box (Glen or Glenda / Jail Bait / Bride of the Monster / Plan 9 from Outer Space / Night of the Ghouls / The Haunted World of Ed Wood)

Double Dog Day

Edgar Allan Poe's Tell-tale Heart
&

Wes Craven's Chiller

This combination had nothing in common other than I guess they're both horror films. The Poe story follows an obsessive man who likes the neighbor girl across the way.He watches her from his window, being all stalkery. When hetries to date her and she tries to be polite but she's just not into him.

While they're out on a date, he introduces her to his handsome friend. The Girl and friend make eyes at each other and the dopey suitor doesn't catch on. When he sees them getting it on he becomes enraged and lures his friend to his house and kills him.

His guilt makes him hear the beating of the dead man's heart, driving him insane. It's an okay story, I just thought the poor quality of the production and I think it went on a bit long. I think I got the right IMDB listing. I don't usually look at the titles, choosing to rely on the library for data, but they didn't give much detail about this one.

IMDB : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056565/

Wes Craven's Chiller, I found nearly unwatchable. I got the plot within seconds and the bad acting and stupid story urged me to skip forward. Sure it's got Paul Sorvino, but everyone else couldn't find any star power with the Hubble telescope.

A rich young man gets brought back to life after he's been cryogenically preserved for many years. Doctors cure whatever disease killed him, but he's not himself. He's evil okay. His mother denies that he's anything but her little angel boy. Blah blah who cares.

If you decide to get this DVD, just watch the Poe story.

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088912/

Library: Bandon, Coos Bay, Coquille, Lakeside & Myrtle Point.

Amazon: Wes Craven's Chiller & Edgar Allen Poe's The Tell Tale Heart Horror (Double Feature)

Made for TV Movie Review: 10.5 Apocalypse

10.5 Apocalypse

I thought maybe the DVD left something out because it just started with the quake and I was terribly confused for the first part of the film. Then it got worse. So like a series of earthquakes end up sinking Las Vegas trapping the only scientist who can figure out a way to save America! Eye Roll.

Oh and then things get worse. They always get worse. If the world is going to end, I vote for not watching this before it does.

You might get on board with Frank Langella in this, but sadly, nothing can save this far fetched piece of crap. Kim Delaney gets top billing but she just totally walked through the rule.

Library: Myrtle Point

IMDB:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0463850/

Amazon: 10.5: Apocalypse

Gross Dog Thursday

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane

Shock comic Andrew Dice Clay plays a "detective" who works with entertainment clients. Truly if you know who Clay is you know the type of sexist jerk humor presented in this film.Lets just say it's not something I ever want to see again.

Library: Bandon

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098987/

Amazon: The Adventures of Ford Fairlane

Absolute Zero

Where do I begin? This moronic view of science left me cold. ;) Seriously, the idea that anywhere on the planet could be absolute zero is preposterous! Let alone that we could "hide" from it in a lab. All this is supposed to happen in Miami, no less. I'd roll my eyes but they might freeze that way. AVOID!!

Library: Bandon & Coos Bay

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0451998/

Amazon: Absolute Zero

Baby's Day Out

John Hughes lost his mind or something. This piece of crap came from him and stars Joe Mantegna, Lara Flynn Boyle, Joe Pantoliano and Cynthia Nixon. Few of which you will recognize. Do not ask me about the stupid rehashed kidnapping plot, because I fast forwarded through just to see if anything amusing happened. Nope. Please, it's not even good for a kid. No way no how.

Library: Myrtle Point

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109190/

Amazon: Baby's Day Out

Die Mommie Die!

Cross dressing Charles Busch plays a Hollywood socialite who supposedly tries to kill her husband. This mixed up subplot upon subplot haphazard film felt like a college project gone very wrong. Look for the comedy stylings of Jason Priestley, rather, don't as he's as terrible as everyone else in this stinker.

Library: Bandon

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0322023/

Amazon: Die Mommie Die!

Dog Days Do Over

Death at a Funeral

This Brit black comedy left me unimpressed. A huge dysfunctional family gathers for the funeral of a man it turns out seems to have been gay. Everything that could go wrong, does repeatedly. I dunno, I suppose I could see making fun of a truly solemn event but none of it worked for me. Avoid it.

Library:Bandon & Powers

IMDB:http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0795368/

Amazon: Death at a Funeral

Detonator
"Death Train"

This RIDICULOUS Pierce Brosnan made for TV movie has a sequel I did NOT get from the library. Lets just take a wild guess it's as bad as this one. A bunch of baddies hijack a pair of trains in an effort to blackmail counties into paying them to NOT detonate nuclear weapons inboard. Sounds like a Bond plot but definitely didn't execute like one.

Library: Dora

IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106689/

Amazon: Detonator

Super Lazy Blogger

These are the dogs I had planned but am too lazy to write TODAY. I'll get to them soon.

A Christmas Story - cult classic I hated and found stupid

Deck the halls - Two neighbors in a small New
England town go to war when one of them decides
to decorate his house with a so many Christmas
lights that they are visible from space.
Danny DeVito, Matthew Broderick, Kristin Davis,
Kristin Chenoweth, ANNNOYYYYINGGG!

So Many Dogs, So Little Time

OK, my cooling problem is NOT solved. Here's what I was gonna review but started getting errors. I'll finish these when I can. Thanks for your patience. FINISHED NOW!

Defenders of Space

This Korean made animation left a ton to be desired. I skipped through it but there's just nothing of any interest there. Much like Protectors of the Universe, little data was available online. The library didn't have much and I couldn't figure out an alternative title.

They have two copies of the DVD on the library system, one in Bandon another in Dora. Avoid them both.

I can't find an IMDB listing but I did find the link below from Amazon. It might not be the correct film, but it has an interesting review that if you like this sort of thing is worth a read: Defenders of Space - Animated DVD

Dinotopia, the Series

This was SO BAD I didn't even watch more than a few minutes. The acting and images bored me silly. Maybe very little kids might like it. It's way not my cup.

A father and his two sons find themselves trapped on a mysterious island where humans and dinosaurs live. Everyone speaks English. Ok, this is for kids, I can forgive them for giant leaps of HUH?? but it has to have some kind of, I dunno, flow and focus.

Of the three films with Dinotopia in the title the one called "the Series" is the one I saw. Check North Bend and Myrtle Point for the DVD. The two others one from Coos Bay and one from Bandon seem to be something different, but since I haven't actually checked them out, I'm not sure of that.

IMDB
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0310443/

Check out this Amazon link to the DVD:
Dinotopia - The Series

Dazed and Confused

Coming of age spanking high school freshman rituals bug me huge. Also, fraternity hazing would too, but this is about younger brats. Abuse rituals just egg on bully behavior. BAH, ok off my soap box.

If you want to check out some really young stars of today, check out this film. Look for Matthew McConaughey, Milla Jovovich, Ben Affleck, Parker Posey, Jason London and Joey Lauren Adams. McConaughey debuts his famous stoner line of "alright alright alright" and Affleck looks scary buff. Fans of the others will have to look for them as I am not as familiar with what they look like.

Bandon has the DVD and look in Coos Bay for the VHS tape.

IMDB
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000725/

Buy the DVD from Amazon:
Dazed & Confused (Widescreen Flashback Edition)

Double Dog Day

Day Night Day Night

This film depicts a nondescript girl preparing to set off a suicide bomb in the center of Times Square. Luisa Williams stars as she. Never named, never explained why she might wish to do this or who the people prepping her are. They also explain nothing of their agenda.

This profound topic might need an exploration similar to this, however, this has zero entertainment value. It went on too long and didn't make me wonder about the elements left in or left out. I wish to be moved. I like films that intrigue me. I expect that, in fact.

Bandon has the DVD.

IMDB
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0499455/

Look up additioanl information from Amazon:
Day Night Day Night

Death of a President

This fictionalized assassination of George W. Bush kinda freaked me out. It strikes me as bordering on treasonous to propose and confusing of history. They mixed stock footage of Bush visiting Chicago with personal interviews with staff, security, cops and suspects. The documentary style made it seem real.

Even being a huge liberal, I felt uncomfortable watching it. I wondered if the filmmakers hoped that someone would do this. I didn't like that. I don't agree with his politics but I believe in our system and he IS the president.

Some of the topics of who the perpetrator ended up being I felt had some validity in how it was portrayed. But I sincerely wish they'd picked a fictional figure head to play out the fake story. In my mind, nothing could save the film from that flaw.

Badon aslo has this film.

IMDB
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0853096/

Check out Amazon for information on this DVD:
Death of a President (Widescreen)

Double Dog Day!

Death Sentence

Wow, I didn't realize this Kevin Bacon was so new. Man, this violent dog of a flick left me wondering what I am doing watching almost all the library films. Bacon plays a family man with a great job and two active teenage sons.

A bunch of hoodlums kill his older son in front of him and dad goes on a revenge spree. The baddies fight back and go after his wife and other son. I don't think the world works the way this 2007 film portrays. I don't think cops are quite so hostile to crime victims and quite so forgiving when they go on killing sprees.

I wonder what some films want us to think about the world. I realize Coos Bay is far away from the "big city," but it's just not as scary out there as some want you to think. Turn away from these scare tactics.

I have NO IDEA why the system has two copies. Dora and Bandon both have copies of the DVD.

IMDB
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0804461/

If you really want, Amazon has this on DVD:
Death Sentence (Unrated Edition)

Death Sentence

Enjoying seeing her on Dancing with the Stars? Have a look at a young Cloris Leachman. She plays a fact checking housewife who gets picked for a jury. She finds herself suspecting her husband killed the woman. Nick Nolte plays the man charged, the husband of the murdered woman.

This made for TV film just doesn't raise to the level of good entertainment. We see her husband kill the woman in the beginning. So when she starts to suspect, we don't care. Maybe the style of the day exposed everything then let us guess how it would work out. This ain't Columbo.

Bandon and Coquille have copies of this one.

IMDB
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071400/

Check out Amazon for the DVD:
Death Sentence